Save the wink appeal …

Dear readers: this column wishes to launch an appeal to try and save yet another endangered species in this under-threat country.Since man became Ireland’s dominant species, most of the species that have ever lived in the country are now extinct.Worldwide, scientists claim that at this very minute the number of what can be termed an endangered species and including both flora and fauna is 7,000. We would ask to have another threatened species included and make that figure 7,001. Because, as you know, this column keeps an eye out on your behalf and sadly we have to report that if corrective action is not taken, the good old Irish inheritance, the wink, will go the way of the whistling man and the Dodo.When did anyone last wink at you? The wink is on its last legs and we should not stand idly by and watch it die a slow death; hounded and persecuted out of existence - another casualty of political correctness. The sisters are mostly to blame for this loss - although a section of the lads have to shoulder some of the responsibility for not knowing how to do it properly, or more critically, not knowing when a wink is appropriate. But how in the name of all that’s good and great, can its detractors have come around to categorising the humble wink as an act of sexual harassment? This is only the blink of an eye away from terming an outstretched hand as enticement to improper bodily contact. Please bear with us for a moment or two as we make the case for the wink to be restored to its rightful place in social intercourse.Winking is a dying art form, due to the uninformed giving it a bad name. But it is an art and a useful subtle communicator. A well timed wink can give hope to someone hanging on through a difficult ordeal. It can offer support, encouragement and warmth. It can lighten tension, melt a frosty meeting and make people laugh - always assuming that the timing is right. I have a confession to make which, with the way things are going, may very well get me arrested. I sometimes like to wink at children. It gets worse: I wink at children when their parents are not looking. In a waiting room, in church, at the airport, or a few seats in front on a plane, an innocent child will after a while turn to give you a good look - especially if you are writing or reading. Then I do the wink. The head quickly disappears, but pops up again a few minutes later for more. Eventually the little face transforms into a series of contortionist shapes in its attempts to return the wink, before completing the trick with one hand over the eye. This column will also occasionally wink at women, but unlike the children, we have to be fairly sure beforehand that it is Ok to do so. We will wink at men too … easy lads …easy; we will wink at a male friend to let him know we are winding up his pal or the likes. You see, besides creating a sense of camaraderie, winking can be fun, seductive and has an underlying conspiratorial daring. And dear sisters, don’t forget you can wink too: a wink from a woman is even more effective than coming from a man. For both sexes it is such an easy and harmless way to create intimacy.Let us now give the lads a few tips on how to be a good winker … we said winker! The first thing you need is two eyeballs. Be aware that winking in the dark is useless - or trying to wink with both eyes at once. A mirror - there is your answer; practice in front of the mirror in order to insure that nobody in the office mistakes your wink for a stroke. Now, close one eye quickly …yes, yes, open it again. Work on which eye is easier for you. Your right eye will be your left eye in the mirror, so use the other one: OK, let us start again! As soon as you master one eye, and with enough practice, you will soon be able to wink with both eyes - that is one eye after the other. Next, study the mirror so you can distinguish the difference between winking and squinting; this is very important before you, for example, try it out on the nice lady who is in the process of writing you a parking ticket in town. And this could be a good time to remember that a wink that is followed by a smile has much greater effect than just a plain wink..Weatherman, Gerald Fleming, should be studied as a perfect exponent of the well delivered wink for timing and panache. He should be proposed as the honorary president of the new wink movement. Record the weather bulletins and practice winking back at Gerald.So, until we connect again next week … ah, I forgot you cannot see me wink: But ‘sher’, as the old people always said; “A nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse.”Don’t ForgetRivers hardly ever run in a straight line. Rivers are willing to take ten thousand meanders, enjoy every one and grow from every one. When rivers leave a meander they are always bigger than when they entered it. When rivers meet an obstacle, they do not try to run over it - they merely go around, but they always get to the other side.Rivers accept things as they are. They conform to the shape they find the world in, yet nothing changes things more than rivers. Rivers move even mountains into the sea. Rivers hardly ever hurry, yet is there anything more likely to reach the point it sets out for than a river? (James Dillet Freeman)