Mullingar hospital among the buildings to be lit up today for International Wave of Light

Today Tuesday, October 15, prominent buildings across the country, including the Midlands Regional Hospital, Mullingar, will be lit up at 7pm as part of the International Wave of Light to mark Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

There will also be a candle lighting event, and the candle will burn for one hour.

Nina Doyle is the main organiser of the Irish leg of the Wave of Light on behalf of Féileacáin the Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Association of Ireland.

She and her husband Alan lost their twins Liam and Grace after she went into premature labour 22 weeks and six days into her pregnancy last March (their story was recoutned in last week’s Westmeath Examiner).

She says that by lighting up landmark buildings such as the Midlands Regional Hospital, Mullingar pink and blue, Féileacáin hopes that it will spark conversations about baby loss and the support available for people affected by stillbirth, neonatal death and miscarriage.

It is estimated that one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage and one in 200 ends in stillbirth.

“Lighting up the buildings is for all babies who have passed on. Prior to Liam and Grace, I had three miscarriages. When you have a miscarriage that sense of loss and grief is there. I wouldn’t compare it to losing Liam and Grace but it is still a very significant and traumatic loss for everybody. So the buildings being lit up are for people with miscarriages, stillbirths, neonatal deaths. We want everyone to feel that the buildings are lighting up for their baby, that their baby matters. It’s for everybody.”

Féileacáin was formed by bereaved parents in 2009. Its volunteers provide a range of services, including support meetings, memory boxes (over 1000 were given out to families last year) and free counseling for parents and siblings.

It has also funded the provision of cuddle cots in every maternity unit in the country. A chilled bassinet, a coddle cot extends the amount of time that grieving parents can spend with their child. Many parents use the cuddle cot to bring their baby home to wake them.

Marie Cregan is the chairperson and one of the founder members of Féileacáin. She was moved to establish the charity due to the lack of support available when her daughter Liliana died in January 2006, just a day before she was due.

The historical stigma attached to stillbirths and neonatal deaths in this country may be largely gone; a stigma that included a refusal in many parts of the country to bury stillborn babies on consecrated ground. However, Ms Cregan says that many people are still uncomfortable sympathising with grieving parents.

“That’s what we are trying to do [with the International Wave of Light] is have a national conversation about this. People need to realise that it’s okay to go up to someone and say ‘I’m sorry your baby died’ or ‘What was your baby’s name?’.

“If the person cries maybe they have tears in their eyes but they have music in their heart because you mentioned their child and acknowledge their loss. You are not upsetting people. You are giving them a chance to mourn and to grieve.

“Also some people also think that because it’s a baby it can’t be as bad a loss. All we can say is that when your baby dies you are forever dreaming of what might have been. Also, the baby isn’t connected to a lot of other people so you are mourning alone. It can be a very isolating experience. It is incredibly difficult. It is probably one of the most traumatic deaths any family will go through but that isn’t recognised.”

For more information on the International Wave of Light and Féileacáin visit www.https://feileacain.ie/ or visit the Féileacáin Facebook page.