‘In one moment our whole life changed’

Svetlana Osadchuk is a journalist from Ukraine, now living in one room in a Mullingar hotel with her family. As part of our coverage to mark the first anniversary of the Russian invasion of Ukraine, she wrote a first person account of what the past year has been like for her and her family.

A year has passed! I don’t believe it. What was it like? Cruel? Terrible? Unbearable? Yes!

In one moment, our whole life changed, as if you are watching a horror movie through a broken screen; as if the director messed up something with the script.

You have to make a choice that you don’t have. When you are sleeping and suddenly wake up from explosions, thinking that it is fireworks. But why so loud? And when the realisation of everything that happens comes, your body goes numb, your heart jumps out of your chest, and your legs become like cotton. Panic begins, What should you do? Where should you run to?

You have to make a decision because you have two children and you have no choice. Gather everything and run – that’s your decision. What do you take? The most important things. What can you put in four suitcases? After all, there are four of you in the family. And again, a choice, which you don’t have. Only warm clothes, because it’s winter on the streets, and believe me, in Ukraine, in February, it’s not +9 +13 degrees warm, but -15 -20 degrees of frost. Medicines – only the most necessary. Documents – without them nowhere. And that’s it!

As it turned out, money and jewellery, cosmetics and branded things are not the most important things in this life. After all, money and jewellery will be taken away from you at the first meeting with the Russians.

We left everything with our parents, they did not come with us. Of course, it is much harder for older people to leave everything they have been building for years behind, to leave their hometown, where they have lived all their lives, to leave pets. Anyway, the road is harder for them, my grandmother is too old to travel far. Therefore, they had no choice. From the first day of the war, there were tanks in our city and only Russian soldiers. For 41 days we hid in a bomb shelter. Life in occupation is not life, but survival.

This is a long story that requires a separate article. But I remember the moment when my friend and fellow journalist was captured by Russian soldiers, and was detained for three weeks. The Russians tortured him and urged him to cooperate. I don’t know how he got out of there. It’s not customary to ask such things. I think there was an exchange of prisoners.

He called me and said: ‘Pack your bags and go! You’re in danger! They don’t have lists yet, but it won’t be long! You have no choice!’

I think every Ukrainian understands what lists he is talking about. Lists of people the Russians are looking for: politicians, military, journalists. Since people in these professions pose a threat for obvious reasons, the Russians first try to lure them away, and if they don’t succeed, it’s scary even to think about it.

Our journey to Ireland was long and not easy. But we flew down here to escape the war, to save our children. We are grateful to this great country for receiving, supporting, protecting and caring for us.

We understand how difficult it is to support such a large number of refugees. But we didn’t have a choice. And there is no choice either. We did not choose housing, we did not choose the school for the children, we did not choose food and work. We arrived where there were empty seats. And we are extremely grateful to Ireland for everything we have now. We don’t sleep outside, we’re not hungry, we have clothes, we don’t hear air raid alerts, and we don’t get bombs. We are grateful for the warmth and quiet nights.

A whole year your day begins and ends with reading the news. You donate to the armed forces of Ukraine, help your country, your relatives and friends, with whom there is almost no contact now. For them, every day is a challenge; they access to the internet to let us know they’re all right after another round of shelling. That they are just alive!

Your life is on pause, on standby. Are you waiting for when it all ends. And it will definitely happen. This will only end with our victory, the return of our territories and our flags flying throughout Ukraine.

Perhaps some of us will return home. And some will stay here in Ireland and start life from scratch, but it will be our choice. I really want each of us to have it – choice!