‘An ounce of breeding is worth a ton of feeding…’

I know a bit about breeding. (Ah Lads… let the dead rest!) When it comes to livestock, canines – and in fact all types of animals, breeding is the key word. It is similar with crops, plants and flowers and producers are constantly striving to improve the strain through good breeding practice. For example, entirely new breeds of potatoes have been developed over the years. Farmers will tell you that ‘an ounce of breeding is worth a ton of feeding’. In other words, the first priority is to get the breed right.

In my own small way, in my own small enterprise, I learned firsthand of the benefits of selective breeding. I only fed the top Friesian cows for milking and when bulling started in April, we put the best proven Friesian bull on the early calvers for replacements and then a beef breed for calves we could sell as ‘sucks’. It was thus easy to keep improving milk yields through improving the blood lines. Careful selection of improved animal breeding-stock benefits humans by producing animals with desired characteristics to increase the food production chain. ‘Breed to improve’ is the motto of all manner of breeders. I bred a nationally acclaimed herd of Dexter cattle.

New breeds of dogs are being designed through adventurous breeding programmes and existing breeds are routinely moulded by a breeder’s whim; although new laws in Ireland prohibit irresponsible cross breeding of dogs for sale. Wild birds and animals are sometimes being helped by selective breeding in order to give them a better chance of survival and fighting disease.

Now, I want you to listen to me for a minute. The only animal where no major attempt has been made to improve the strain through breeding is mankind. If successful controlled breeding of all other animals has worked so well, why not take a look at the human and try to improve the strain? Temperament could be improved and aggression bred out of man? Doesn’t the lust of genocide in places like Kiev and Gaza cry out to be bred out of us?

Hitler was into a bit of oul experimental breeding of humans. He believed that the Aryans were superior humans and Nazi propaganda proclaimed the right of the ‘master race’ to breed and expand territorially. I have not seen it written anywhere, but it became a sort of folklore in certain parts of Ireland during the war that Hitler had his eye on Irish women as the best breed with which to cross the Aryan. That was discussed around the ball-alley in Drumcree one evening, in the presence of one Tom Grimes, a local character. Tom had a sister, Mary Kate, who, God help us, resembled pictures of a witch so much so that children were frightened walking past Grimeses’. Anyway, the discussion on Hitler’s proposed breeding plan ended with Tom threatening; ‘If any German comes to take our Mary Kate, it will be over my dead body!’

It is alleged that we are all descended from monkeys – something hotly disputed by the monkey family. When pressed, a spokesmonkey said that if there was any truth in such claims, what happened was obviously the result of an experiment that went dreadfully wrong.

Since that experiment, little seems to have been done in the way of improving the human strain through introducing a bit of cross breeding with some nice docile animals… that is until now; and remember where you first heard it.

Doctors have for the first time successfully transplanted a pig’s liver into a human recipient. This could be the start of something monumental. Professor Lin Wang of Xi’an Hospital in China performed the operation. Apparently, pig’s organs are similar size to humans’ and doctors have also transplanted pig’s hearts and kidneys into humans in recent years.

Now the pig is a decent animal; some say the most intelligent – although we are not talking here about brain transplants… yet! The ape, baboon and monkey would, you imagine, be the closest to the human parts, but all have refused to participate in any trials on account of what happened the last time.

The reason four-legged animals cannot talk is that what makes them different from humans is the fact they don’t have a hyoid bone. That seems to preserve harmony in the animal kingdom and perhaps its removal from the human could be a first step in advancing the breed.

Last year I visited the Museum of Human Evolution in Burgos, an amazing experience. Humans are estimated to have emerged around 300,000 years ago. Surely it must be past time to freshen up the breed with an injection of new blood and new genes?

Don’t Forget

The people who matter won’t believe lies about you – and the people who believe lies about you don’t matter.