A ‘farmer’s tan’ is yer only man
Once upon a time and when it was a big deal to embark on a foreign holiday, we all headed for places like Santo Ponsa and Torremolinos in anticipation of a bit of fun in the sun. Now, it wasn’t any good unless the neighbours knew you were away, so the whole purpose of the exercise boiled down (no pun intended) to getting an all-over I’m-back-from-my foreign-holiday tan. In fairness to my own good name, I was never one for idling all day in the same spot on the beach, but I did a bit of it under pressure – without naming names!
With climate change and more sun than what we know what to do with in Ireland these days, the ‘been away’ trademark has been devalued because everyone has the same glorious tan. Well, a tanned face at least – and we’ll come back to that one in a moment.
It is now more important than ever that we fair-skinned people lather on the sun protection cream before venturing to the great outdoors. As somebody who had to have a bit of carving done on my face a few years ago, due to skin cancer from sun damage, I have particularly strong views on this one, especially where children are concerned.
I was therefore appalled last week when a friend mentioned about the latest conspiracy theory being spread on social media. A brigade of the ‘alternative facts’, anti-vaccine nutters is alleging that the sun does not cause cancer but that the chemical in the sun cream does! That would be from some of the same breed who have managed to prevent some children from being vaccinated against measles, polio, and smallpox. That group offer no evidence or substantiates their crazy claim. Dr Elizabeth Buzney, a respected dermatologist at Brigham Women’s Hospital calls these claims false and dangerous. ‘We do know the sun causes most skin cancers and tanning beds increase the risk as well. We have proven that sunscreen helps to prevent skin cancer,’ according to Dr Buzney.
I could carry a bit of guilt on account of telling customers back in the day that our ‘Honeytan Sunroom’, the first of the walk-in tanning cubicles, was safer than the sun. We made a lot of money from them at our sports and leisure centre and we were only relaying the safety message that the manufacturers told us. Anyway, I used it myself… and look at me 30 years later!
Fake tan is big business in today’s world and I suppose what harm is it doing? If that’s alright with the conspiracy theorists, of course. Mind you, the orange tan on the legs of our female footballers isn’t a great promotion for the product.
There is no doubt but that a nice ‘healthy colour’ makes us all look better and feel better. But, and I’m only askin’ like, do you need to be brown everywhere from your toes to your toupee? In all fairness, only an average of one person would get to see the white bits you keep covered in daylight – and when it’s dark, who cares? It’s a bit like if you need to paint the wall behind the fridge where you are the only one to know it is a different colour. We’ll leave that one with you…
After ruminating about the tan thing here on YCBS, we have come to the conclusion that the ideal tan is a ‘farmer’s tan’. It is all you need, dear reader. It is safe, a real tan and economical because no sun cream is wasted on skin that is not for public viewing. Furthermore, the farmer’s tan is twice the value it used to be. Let me explain…
The traditional farmer’s tan consisted of a deeply tanned (or temporarily burned) face, back of the neck, V-shape down from the Adam’s Apple, and both arms up as far as where the shirt sleeves were rolled up to. There might also be a tanned or peeling patch on the crown of the head where the hair was thinning. That’s all you need folks. The farmer can dress up at night, go out to socialise and be the envy of all those tanned-over returned holiday makers.
But it gets better… that was the traditional farmer’s tan, but now there’s more. Modern farmers have taken to not only lathering on the sunscreen, but have adopted the wearing of shorts as part of their working attire. The most naturally tanned legs in the country are now all part of the farmer’s tan package. If you get a chance, just compare a few Lads baling silage with any camogie team of your choice and discover why no farmer will ever use fake tan!
Don’t Forget
Don’t bother people by telling them your troubles. Half of them don’t care, and the other half figure you probably had it coming to you.