Rio Ferdinand on how his children didn’t listen to his footballing advice

By Lisa Salmon, PA

As a former England and Manchester United football player, Rio Ferdinand has an exceptional knowledge about the beautiful game.

Yet when they were younger, his two eldest sons – both talented footballers themselves – wouldn’t listen to their dad’s footballing advice, preferring to follow only their coaches’ tips and tactics.

“Even though I played, when I told them about football when they were 12, 13, 14 years old, they were like ‘What do you know?’”, he recalls.

“They were listening to their football coach – who’d never played a league game in his life or been a professional – and coming in and saying ‘But so-and-so said this dad’.”

It’s behaviour echoed up and down the land by kids who think their parents – whoever they are – know nothing, and Ferdinand stresses: “So it’s not just any old parent that thinks ‘Oh, my kids don’t listen’ – even someone who’s played at the level I played at, talking to my kids about football, it’s the same, they’ll listen to someone else.

“Because you’re the parent, they see too much of you sometimes, so they don’t want to hear it.”

Fortunately, Ferdinand, 46, says the two boys – Lorenz, 18, and Tate, 16, have started to take his footballing advice as they’ve got older, and it’s served them well – Lorenz is a goalkeeper for Brighton and Hove Albion U21s (currently on loan to Havant & Waterlooville), and Tate is an U21 defender for Brighton too.

“I do think as they mature, they actually start understanding that you’ve been through this, whether it’s education, sport or something else they’re interested in, and they do start taking a little bit more notice of you as a parent, because they see the value in what you’re saying, and that there’s normally a lot of right to it,” says Ferdinand.

And while both boys clearly hope their future career is in football, their dad is hoping his three other kids – Tia, 14, Cree, aged four, and Shae, almost two – will talk and listen to him about their future career paths when the time is right.

And that’s why he’s combined his expert football knowledge with his concern for his kids’ future to support the Talking Futures Career Transfer Hub, which gives parents access to information on their child’s education options, just like football agents have transfer insiders, negotiators and scouts.

The hub, which has been launched in partnership with the Rio Ferdinand Foundation (the youth and community development charity set up by Ferdinand to create opportunities for young people), was started after a Talking Futures survey of parents revealed 96% feel responsible for helping their teen make decisions about their post-16 options, but over half (56%) don’t feel equipped for the job because they’re not familiar with newer qualifications like T-levels or HTQs.

Plus, 46% say the advice they got when they were young feels outdated, and 39% are unsure about what employers are really looking for today.

Ferdinand says: “I think in most families you can talk about the stuff you like – music, entertainment, football, sports or whatever, and they’re good, easy conversations, but a lot of the time when you’re talking about education with your kids, as a parent you haven’t really got a complete understanding of what’s available, and your kids normally don’t really want to talk to you about it, and they’re not bothered about it as much as you’d like them to be.”

Ferdinand – whose eldest three children were with his first wife Rebecca Ellison, who died from breast cancer in 2015, and two youngest are with his second wife Kate – admits he didn’t know much about the post-16 education pathway before looking at the Talking Futures website, where he says “you get filled with so much information, and get a lot of guidance, giving you the right steps available for your kids, but also educating yourself as a parent so you can then enable your kids to understand what’s available and the avenues they can go down.

A post shared by Kate Ferdinand (@xkateferdinand)

“It’s about loading yourself up with all the answers for your child and for yourself to make sure no stone’s left unturned. So when your kid makes a decision, they’re going into it with a full understanding, having exhausted all the avenues and knowing they’re ready to go.

“And that’s a big confidence booster for a young person – most of them don’t have an idea of what they want to do.”

Ferdinand says his 14-year-old daughter Tia doesn’t know what she wants to do after school yet – although it’s unlikely to be anything to do with football, as living in such a fanatical footy household has “turned her off it”, he says with a smile.

“She’s not got a clue what she wants to do,” he says, “so that’s why I can talk with complete confidence and understanding of a lot of parents sitting with their kids going ‘we don’t know what to do’.

“So my daughter – do you push her down a certain route? Do you just give her the options? Do you make her understand a bit more what there is to be done? There’s all these questions – it’s definitely pricked my mind as a parent to approach these now so she’s not going into her final year at school in even more unknown territory.”

He adds: “The problem is, for us as parents, we’re used to what the post-16 pathway was like back in the day, when it was very limited, whereas now it opens them up to so many different industries and new stuff.

“So I think it’s a valuable insight for parents to just have a look at what’s available for their kids, and you’ll go actually – surprisingly – there’s a lot more at the fingertips of these kids. It’s just unlocking it with a bit of information.”

Rio Ferdinand has partnered with Talking Futures to launch the