Poems by Jinny Alexander
A Plagiarism Mash-up
Last night I dreamed of electric sheep
I counted them to help me sleep
They jumped up and down around my head
Until I fell right off the bed
My body shook, my brain awoke,
And I’m not mad, but those sheep spoke.
While I lay there tangled in the sheeting,
I tried to fathom out their bleating.
“It was the best of times,” a small one said,
“Until the farmer shot us dead.
April is the cruellest time
We’ve just been born, we think we’re fine
It all spring and grass and fine and firsts,
And then suddenly the times get worse
They make us fat; they and then they shave us
Turning veggie is the way to save us
You cook us, turn us into roast,
Chops and mincemeat, on your toast,
And then our ghosts come to haunt you every night,”
they say, while I lie on the floor in fright.
“It wasn’t me,” I tell the sheep
“Now can you let me get to sleep?”
“It really shouldn’t be so hard
To sleep at night,” the big one baaed
I turned over, tangled in the duvet,
Trying not to think of gravy,
The sheep baaed again and off they bounded
I still lay there, somewhat grounded,
Thinking I might well be more
Comfortable upon the floor
For all around me on the bed,
Yorkshire puddings danced instead.
How to buy a Cat
When you’re buying a cat, you should think about this:
You want one that purrs, not likely to hiss,
And of course it’s important to consider the colour and size,
But whatever you do, don’t look into its eyes.
If you let a cat look at you, the colour won’t matter,
And you won’t even care if it’s thinner or fatter.
You won’t say, “Oh no, we can’t have that cat
It’s far too small to hold, or really too fat.”
If it looks in your eyes, you won’t care if it’s weird
Or has pointy ears or a very long beard;
It will curl up its tail and wind round your knees
And look into your eyes and say, “Take me please!”
It’s important to know, when buying a cat,
That you’re not choosing it: it’s not like buying a hat.
The cat’s choosing you, and if it wants you, you’re stuck
So I strongly suggest you just buy a duck.
Jinny Alexander is a member of Inklings Writing Group, who meet on Tuesdays at 11am and on Wednesdays at 7.30pm in the Annebrook House Hotel. Mullingar. Aspiring and fun writers welcome.