Madonna contemplated taking her own life during custody dispute over her son
By Lauren Del Fabbro, PA Entertainment Reporter
Superstar Madonna has said the custody battle over her son was one of the most “painful” moments of her life, which led her to contemplate taking her own life.
The Material Girl singer, 67, revealed that her spirituality helped her get through the bitter dispute she faced in 2016 with filmmaker and ex-husband Guy Ritchie, over their son, Rocco.
The popstar opened up on the On Purpose podcast with Jay Shetty, and explained how her spiritual life has helped her overcome different challenges and view them as lessons rather than punishments.
She said: “There were moments in my life where I wanted to cut my arms off. I actually contemplated suicide. I was like, I can’t take this pain anymore.
“But as soon as you understand that what’s happening to you is a challenge, that you are karmically meant to experience and learn from and evolve to a higher level of consciousness, then you can look at that event, that experience, as a lesson and not punishment.”
When asked about the specific moment that pushed her to that point, she said: “I’m not in the blame game.
“But I would say probably one of the most painful moments in my life where I honestly couldn’t see the forest for the trees was when I went through a custody battle with my son.”
The custody battle began after Rocco remained in London with his father after visiting the UK with Madonna on her world tour, and refusing to return to the US to be with his mother for Christmas.
Madonna and Ritchie, who married in 2000 but divorced eight years later, took the battle to the courts, opening litigation in New York and London.
The pair later reached a settlement, resolving their custody dispute over the then 16-year-old, with Ritchie’s lawyer saying that Rocco would continue to live with his father in London.
She said: “Even though my marriage didn’t work out, I mean a lot of people’s marriages don’t work out, they marry the wrong people, they’re not aligned, they’re not meant for each other, someone trying to take my child away from me was like, they might as well just kill me. That’s really how I was thinking.
“I was on tour at the time, so I had to go on stage every night. I would just be lying on the floor of my dressing room sobbing.
“I really thought it was the end of the world. I couldn’t take it. I just couldn’t take it.
“I was abandoned as a child by my own mother and so losing a child, it was like life repeating itself. I couldn’t accept it and so it caused me a lot of suffering and not being able to accept things causes all of us a lot of suffering.
“But thank God I don’t feel that way anymore. And I had to keep continuing my studies and continuing on my spiritual path which helped me to understand that the enemy is within.
“At the end of the day, I needed to learn some lessons and I can see that with the benefit of hindsight, but I couldn’t see it at the time.
“Now I am happy to say I am really good friends with my son but I couldn’t see it then. I really thought it was the end of the world. So thank God I had a spiritual life.”
Madonna has six children. She adopted twin sisters, Estere and Stella from Malawi in 2017 after previously adopting son David Banda in 2006 and daughter Mercy James in 2009.
Her eldest child is daughter Lourdes, from her relationship with actor, Carlos Leon.
The award-winning singer is behind the hit songs Holiday, Into The Groove, and Vogue along with a string of UK number one albums including Like A Virgin, Confessions On A Dance Floor and Like A Prayer.