What you write, will shine a light

Published: Sun 30 Nov 2025, 7:00 PM

‘Yours is a sexist column,’ shouted one of the Lads in my direction the other night. I was somewhat taken aback by such allegation, as this column strives to be fair to the fairer sex. But my friend was attacking this newspaper corner from a totally different perspective. He was immediately backed up by the rest of the Lads, leading me to suspect that this was about to become a cleverly managed and well staged ambush. ‘Yes,’ sez ‘Moaner,’ ‘you are constantly picking on us in that rag of a newspaper – and you never find fault with any of the ‘wimin’. (Some of the Lads call the Gorls ‘wimin’.) ‘You are constantly licking up to them, whilst belittling us,’ butted in ‘Baldy’.

Hearing the commotion, a bevy of beauties moved closer to hear how this might be handled. You have to be able to think on your feet in this business, and so I offered up a female flaw that I had recently found out about. The Gorls were by now eyeing up the situation, sipping their cocktails and coffees, little fingers outstretched and putting the delicate cups back on the saucer between sips. ‘Why,’ I asked Felicity, ‘why, do women use exclamation marks three times more than men?’ The Lads turned their eyes up to heaven, mumbling to each other; ‘is that the best he can do?’.

But the sisters aren’t easily rattled and don’t like being faulted in any way. ‘That is total nonsense – how can you prove such a thing?’ demanded Stephanie. I had my answer of course, as I knew this would be the opening line for the defence. ‘This earth-shattering finding is credited to research study to be published shortly in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology,’ I replied.

The study contradicts itself with its finding as to the reasons the Gorls love the exclamation mark (well it would, wouldn’t it, Lads.). It states on one hand that the exclamation marks have been found to convey warmth and enthusiasm, ‘but can also be perceived as showing a lack of power and an inability to think analytically.’ And with that, I had to point out that attacking the messenger solves nothing!

As soon as calm was restored, we widened the scope of the conversation to discuss graphology, which is the study of handwriting. No more than with the exclamation mark, experts can tell a lot about a person’s character, personality and ability just by judging the handwriting. I have personally seen this incredible skill at work by a hand-writing expert in establishing who wrote a series of letters. Mrs Youcantbeserious is inclined to criticise this writer for what she considers to be my overuse of the semi-colon. The way it is with me, I just insert one when it looks right to me.

So here are a few more indications of what graphologists are saying about all of us.

Those who write using large letters are outgoing, outspoken and love attention. That can also mean that you put up a front and pretend to have confidence. Small letters say you are shy, withdrawn, concentrated and meticulous.

If you put your dot right over the ‘i’ you are detail-orientated, organised and emphatic in what you say and do. Now, there is no one letter which tells more about you then the letter ‘t’ or more accurately, how you cross your ‘t’. If you cross it at the very top, you are ambitious, optimistic and have excellent self-esteem. In the middle, you are confident and feel comfortable in your own skin. Long crosses show you to be determined and enthusiastic; however, you tend to be stubborn and have a hard time letting things go. Short cross your ‘T’ and those in the know will put you down as lazy and showing a lack of determination.

Even how you slant your writing reveals a lot about you. Slant it to the right (sounds like the hokey pokey) and you are shown to be open to new experiences and enjoy meeting new people. Slants to the left and then we know you tend to keep to yourself and generally like to operate behind the scenes. If you are right-handed and your handwriting slants to the left, that illustrates you may be showing rebellion. No slant and we’ll put you down to being the sort of person who doesn’t like to show emotion and tend to be logical and practical.

The spacing between your words can be looked at as well. Wide spacing and you are labelled for enjoying your freedom and don’t like to be overwhelmed by crowds. Narrow spacing is the opposite of course; you can’t stand to be alone, but are inclined to be intrusive.

When I started doing this column 20 years ago, I wrote it in longhand and faxed it to the newsdesk. I hope all that stuff was shredded… or God knows what they would be able to find out about me now.