Home instead readers questions

Readers’ Questions
Over the past week we have had a fantastic response to our new “readers’ questions” section. Home Instead would like to share some of the concerns that local family members have expressed about their loved ones. We hope you will find this information informative and useful as we believe other people throughout the community are experiencing similar challenges. We welcome all queries to j.acton@homeinstadm.ie or alternatively call up for a coffee to our office in Marlinstown.
Q My husband is 71 and he has become very confused this last year. He was trying to plan a trip and could not understand the calendar. Should I be alarmed? He asks me over and over about things we are to do. He can't remember when we go to mass and other things we have done for a long time. Can you help me with this?

A: Your husband needs a through medical assessment to diagnose what is going on with his health. He may need to be referred to a specialist. There are both temporary and permanent causes of dementia. A variety of illnesses can cause temporary cognitive impairment, and so too can some drug interactions.

I encourage you to make an appointment for your husband to see his GP without delay. Early diagnosis gives you the best chance to treat whatever may be causing your husband’s confusion.
Q My mum gets mad so easily and she is constantly walking around the house. It is hard to get her to sit still for very long. Any suggestions?
A. I‘m sorry that you are having this experience with your mother. Both of your situations are not that unusual and can come with Alzheimer‘s disease as well as with the caregiving journey.
Let‘s talk first about her anger. I would want to know more about your past relationship. Have you struggled in the past with your relationship or is this relatively new? Sometimes past patterns continue. If this is new behaviour, recognise that even the best caregivers can become the “bad guy”. The person doesn‘t understand that we have their best interests at heart and resents our actions.
When this happens there are some good options. One caregiver I worked with faced great anger from his dad after he took over the finances. The father remained angry and was convinced the son was taking his money. Arguments and explanations failed, but when the son began asking his father for “help with the finances,” and had his dad sign the checks, the father felt more in control and his anger diminished.
Here are a couple of additional ideas:
First be sure to educate yourself on how to respond to your mum in a successful way. Confidence to Care, available to order on Amazon, teaches how to care and communicate to the person with dementia—to learn how to respond in a positive way and break this negative cycle. Home Instead Senior Care offers excellent family workshops that are free of charge and can teach you techniques to deal with the frustrating behaviours. Second, based upon your question, it‘s clear that it‘s time to take a break. I‘m a big fan of adult day centres. See if one is near you. It may also be time to hire an in-home caregiver who may be able to make a fresh start with your mum without a lot of past baggage.
Regarding her constant activity, this is really not a problem for her but it can be for you! See if you can create a path for her in the house or garden. After she has done her rounds, try to redirect her with her favourite flavour of ice-cream cone, music, a simple chore or going for a drive. You may also want to double check that her walking isn‘t caused by a medical problem, for example pain or constipation.
Being a caregiver is hard work. I‘m sorry that you are struggling right now. Consider attending a support group. Other families will offer emotional support, share local resources and give you their tips and strategies.