Newly discovered animals
I’ve definitely heard it all now, folks; and as soon as I learn something new, I want you to know firsthand. File this one in your ‘world gone mad’ folder.
You already know that in this modern world, anybody can claim to be anything they fancy. The one I am about to tell you reminds me of a newspaper cartoon I saw during an outbreak of the ‘Mad Cow Disease’. Two cows chatting in the field and one asks the other; ‘should we be worried about this Mad Cow Disease?’ The companion cow chuckles as she replies; ‘It won’t bother me – I’m a giraffe!’
Maybe this state of affairs I am about to divulge has been around for a while – as I have been known to be slow off the mark. Anyway, the facts are that there are humans out there who believe they are animals and have formed themselves into a group… or should that be ‘herd’?
‘Therians’ is the name applied to this pack, litter, flock, clutter, drove, farrow… or whatever you’re having yourself. Yes, we are serious. There are clusters of people who wish to live out their animal instincts through what is known as the therian movement. God help us… and just as the last of us were trying to come to terms with the mixed up gender thingy.
I think of the late Páidí Ó Sé and the trouble he found himself in simply for calling Kerry football supporters a bunch of animals. Categorising people as animals cost poor Paidi his job. Maybe had he called them ‘a bunch of therians’, he might have got away with it, as nobody down in Kerry would have known what the hell he was talking about.
Brace yourself, Brigid. Being a member of the therian movement is not regarded as a ceist of choice. No indeed, it is considered an involuntary identity.
The movement has gained traction on social media. (Now, wouldn’t you be very surprised to hear that!) The trend started in Argentina and Uruguay and is fast expanding in other parts of Latin America. By the time you read this, there may very well be a pride of them looking to rent your community hall… or more likely, the old stables attached to the parochial house.
If we had written this a couple of weeks ago, you might label it as an April fool’s joke; but no, my friends, truth is stranger than fiction… not that anybody can tell the difference nowadays.
The word ‘therian’ comes from the Greek term ‘therianthrope’ meaning half human, half animal. (Excuse me while I stretch for a mouthful of water here.)
The Spanish newspaper, ‘El País’ has reported hate crimes against therians and says that assaults on therians are ‘reinforcing the narrative of the decadence of modern society’. Now, if these animals lived in Ireland, they could become a ‘protected species’, just like the pine martin or red squirrel, for example. They would be safe from being culled and nobody could say boo to them.
Animal lovers in the United States (of which there are a few!) have posted on the news website, Al Día, that if the experience ‘does not affect a young person’s ability to form relationships, attend school, or maintain healthy routines, there is no reason to automatically patholise it’.
Many therians are drawn to the pack because they remember being an animal in a past life. No, I am not making this up; check it out elsewhere for a second opinion. For example, someone whose theriotype is a frog might feel most fulfilled when hopping around and croaking, while a person… sorry, animal, who is bonded with a penguin might feel more comfortable huddling with loved ones for warmth!
Meanwhile out in the playground, in town parks, open spaces, or anywhere where there is grass, you may observe therians engaging in quadrobics (running and jumping on all fours) or as we say where I come from, ‘bucking around like a suck calf’. They like to gather in small groups for support. But there again, aren’t they only displaying the animal instincts that have always protected the herd?
Finally, and I promise you this is the last time you will ever read the word therian in YCBS, a therian mental shift can be temporary. ‘During this shift, the human body remains physically unchanged, but individual experiences, heightened animal instincts, behaviours, vocalisation and a shift in sensory perception, cause the mental change from human to animal.’
Oh Holy God, I’m outta here, where every day has become a crazier day than yesterday! In my mind’s eye, I see again Reginald Perrin walking out to sea and the water black with people following him!
Don’t Forget
Today’s events are tomorrow’s history. Try to put yourself in the shoes of future students and teachers and how they will view ‘today’s events’!